the library of alexandra

Alex Pretti

“It was not Hitler, Göring, Goebbels, Himmler, or whatever the others were called, who had me dragged away and beaten. No, it was the cobbler, the neighbor, the old man, the milkman, the postman, those without form suddenly given armbands and a cap on their heads and then they were the master race.” —Karl Stojka

it's midnight and i'm not tired. i am beyond angry—i'm infuriated, down to my cells boiling in my blood. i am inconsolable, a shaking mess as i write this. i've been trying to work all day and listen to people smarter and more well-read than me, but my mind cannot focus. i don't feel any better. i have been shaking all day—all day since i found out about the killing of alex pretti, a 37-year-old ICU nurse of a VA hospital who was executed in the middle of the street helping a woman up during protests in minneapolis, minnesota.

10 shots into a man on the ground. nine went into a lifeless body.

is this the tyranny that conservatives claimed was happening for wearing a fucking mask in a time of widespread disease? is this yet another notable murder of a someone in opposition to this regime? this time, someone who had a valid concealed carry permit who was not brandishing it nor coming at officers?

what does tyranny look like to you?

it angers me that i have to analyze a graphic video, scrubbing and combing through footage, to know the truth—that i have to verify the sources with such minute detail because i'm terrified of AI-generated videos being used to propagate lies (e.g. nekima levy armstrong) of protestors.

in response to an outpouring of lies from the united states federal government, alex's parents are begging the public to get "the truth" out about their son; to spread the word of his kindness and good-heartedness. the government claims he was a "domestic terrorist." someone who worked in the ICU at the VA hospital, who spent his waking hours helping others, our veterans. do you have a licensed, legal gun on your person for your protection and attend protests to exercise your first amendment right? you could be the next "domestic terrorist," shot dead while committing the crime of helping your fellow human from falling in the snow. isn't shooting someone on-sight for having a weapon the exact example of the future conservative gun owners "warned us" happening under the "tyranny" of gun ownership regulations?

federal agents have been inching this way for months. the increased violence, the chemical warfare inflicted upon and agitation of peaceful protestors, the declaration of anyone in opposition of trump's policies to be "domestic terrorists." when dealing with narcissists, every accusation becomes an admission.

from where i'm sitting, the federal government is declaring war on the american people and openly killing us. we are allowed to observe ICE raids. we are allowed to assemble peacefully to express our dissent. it doesn't matter how much they've chipped away at the meanings of language. that is part of their strategy.

the focus on ICE is not enough; while they are actively committing crimes against american citizens and undocumented immigrants alike, it was a border patrol officer who shot alex. it's the department of homeland security—it's kristi noem, it's greg bovino, it's white supremacist stephen miller, it's donald trump. they must be removed from their posts if we want to have a functioning democracy for the generations after us. authoritarianism thrives on fear—thrives on you staying home.

the american experiment has had a wonderful run, but having too much consolidated power like the federal government currently is exerting authoritarianism and rendering it complete. we have reached the endgame, and we are watching the results unfold. this is what happens when you slowly disembowel the checks and balances in favor of a blind faith in whoever becomes president. our congress flops about, dallying in issues of the nonexistent culture war as federal agents kill americans. the courts have been rendered useless in their efforts to combat injustice, practicing theory with no enforcement. they are aiming for the heads of protestors.

can you feel your heart beating in your chest? what is it going to take?

in a game i play called civilization, casus belli is the term used for justification of war. in real life, the UN charter prohibits participating countries from engaging in war except: "As a means of defending themselves, or an ally where treaty obligations require it, against aggression." what can we do? i believe we have a few options, and it requires large numbers of people and elected officials. peaceful protests get us out of this, yes, but not without also voting, also running for office, also calling our congresspeople, also contacting our state governments, also imploring local officials, also observing—in addition to peacefully protesting. we have to show up—in numbers.

i'm personally of the opinion that state governments, through legal means, should reduce their federal tax contributions in protest. tax collection might be our only leverage before all-out violent civil war. i'd love to see the federal government operate as a loose collective of states, somewhat like the european union. it has gone too far.

i want nothing more than to return to my work, but my heart aches for alex, his family, his dog. my heart hurts for renée good, for keith porter. i can't believe there's a wikipedia page for the shootings by U.S. immigration agents. i can't believe we're tracking "deaths, detentions and deportations of American citizens in the second Trump administration," because none of this should be happening. i want this to end peacefully, but i understand why violence has been used in the past when citizens are pushed beyond their breaking point.

i hoped writing this would feel cathartic and help me release some of this energy i feel, this weight on my heart. but i'm so, so angry. i'm going to channel this into helping my neighbors, and i hope you do too.

i can't believe i have to include this, but to be clear, i unequivocally condemn all forms of political violence & believe only in nonviolent protest and democratic processes.